What to Know About Engagement Ring Shopping

It's a scenario that probably hasn't crossed your proposal-fantasy radar: The love of your life gets down on one knee, asks you the question you're dying to say yes to, opens the box, and...the ring is so not right. Not as in you wish it were bigger or more expensive or the exact design you saw on Pinterest but never showed him—but as in, it just isn't you and you can't imagine wearing it for the rest of your life, no matter how hard you try.

Did the bottom just drop out of your stomach? We don't blame you—such a sensitive situation probably isn't how you imagined kicking off your engagement, but don't worry. It happens, and there are several ways to deal while keeping both you and your fiancé happy.

If your first thought was something along the lines of, "If he picked a ring that was so wrong, he must not know me as much as I thought he did," take a breath. Taste is crazy individual, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, so even if your guy knows yours, it's unrealistic to expect him to be able to pick out the perfect ring—and his inability to do so is most certainly not a bad omen for your future marriage.

No matter how you feel about the ring, it's a conversation that can wait, says Michaela Renee, vice president of sales at jewelry chain Roberto Coin's engagement collection, Cento. Live with the ring for a week or two, not only so you can see if it grows on you, but so you two can enjoy being, you know, engaged. "It should be one of the happiest times of your life," says Renee. "Bask in your engagement, and let him enjoy the fact that you're happy. The ring can be dealt with later."

Sometimes, if you hate the ring, you hate the ring, and there's nothing that can be done about that. But there's no harm in asking him what made him choose that particular ring for you, says Greer. You never know: He could have a story behind it that will make your knees weak and completely change the way you see the ring. In which case: problem solved.

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If you've sat with the ring for a few days and know that you won't be able to live with it, it's okay to move forward in getting a ring that you'll really love. Just make sure you know exactly what you don't like about the ring before talking to your fiancé because articulating that a particular setting doesn't suit your style or that a certain stone shape isn't for you is a softer blow than simply saying, "I hate it."

Changing a setting can be a fairly easy and painless process if your guy is working with a reputable jeweler, says Renee (after all, they want to keep your business) so consider that as your first course of action instead of looking for a whole new ring (which would likely also upset your partner more).

If what you don't like about it has to do with the size or the price, though, you might want to keep your mouth shut and keep things in perspective. Upgrading rings for future relationship milestones is very common, says Renee, so if you're disappointed with the size of your rock, don't worry. You'll get there. "Marriage is supposed to be forever, and your five-year anniversary isn't that far away," says Renee.

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Remember: Your fiancé is going to want you to have something you truly love. Still, picking out a ring and proposing to you was likely an emotional, personal experience for him. So treading lightly is imperative.

"Never insult the ring," says Renee. "You have to skew things in a positive sense, no matter how you feel. You can say, 'Thank you so much! I'm so happy we're engaged, and it's a beautiful ring, but it's not really me.'" And if it's a matter of just changing the setting, make him a part of that by asking if you two can design it together. Just make sure that when you do, it's a positive experience where you explore new options together, not dwell on your unhappiness with the ring you're redesigning or returning. Renee has witnessed her fair share of obviously disappointed women and their hurt or angry fiancés in-store, and that experience isn't fun for anyone.

If you know that marriage is where your relationship is headed, it's not a bad idea to fill your guy in on the ring you wantbefore he pops the big question, says Renee: "You have to drop hints to your future fiancé. Whether it's leaving pictures around or mentioning things that you like, that's your number-one line of defense to get something that you want." And no, it isn't pushy or tacky. More and more women have gotten comfortable with communicating what they like—even if it's just in case—so don't be afraid to loop your guy in before he gets down on one knee.

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What to Know About Engagement Ring Shopping

Source: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19913528/what-to-do-if-you-hate-your-engagement-ring/

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